Christmas in July Agent-Judged Blog Comp: Submission Details!

As you know, Ruth Lauren Steven is co-hosting Christmas in July with me, and today we have a few more details for you. 

First of all, if you missed the first post, you can find it here.

Now for the exciting bits :) We already told you you'll need a query letter and the first 500 words of your completed ms to enter. We'll both be reading ALL the entries (and possibly fighting over our favorites.) I'm kidding! (I'm not.)

Anyway, once we've come to a dignified and amicable decision (seriously, I fight dirty), we're going to help you edit your entry until it is a many spendoured thing. Not that you HAVE to take our advice - it's your work. But the advice will be there :) 

So because we'll need time to read all the entries and you might need to time to polish them up after our suggestions, the timeline is going to look like this:

Next post - July 2nd. This one will reveal the identities of our ten agents!

Submission window - July 9th between 6:00 a.m. and 3:00 p.m. EST. Submissions should be sent to lottiehumphries14(at)yahoo(

dot)co(dot)uk. I'll set up an auto response so you'll know we've received your submission. 

13th July - the 30 writers chosen by us will be posted. 

18th July - the chosen (and polished!) entries go live on our blogs for the entire week, and requests will be made by the fabulous agents!!

Don't forget to use the hashtag #XmasinJuly on Twitter!

Christmas in July Agent-Judged Blog Contest!

It's time to announce a HUGE agent-judged competition that's so big it's going to need two blogs to contain all the awesome. No prizes for guessing that my co-host is Ruth Lauren Steven. So if you don't follow her already, then you'll be wanting to (also, what is wrong with you?)

As you can see, we're calling it Christmas in July. Why, you ask? Because we love our followers so much that we want to give you ALL THE GIFTS, but Christmas is too far away.

Here's the tagline:

                  30 pitches, 10 agents, 1 week. 

Yep, we'll be choosing 15 entries each to post on our blogs. The entries will be up for a whole week, and there will be ten, yes 10 agents dropping by to make requests!

This is where it gets even more exciting.

Because there are 10 agents (did I mention that?) there's a wide scope for genre here. Which means that we'll be accepting MG and YA (all genres), and Adult submissions of ALL GENRES (except erotica)!!

You'll need a query letter and the first 500 words of a completed manuscript to enter.

More details on the submission window and what we'd like to do with the entries before they go live to follow in the next post, which will be on the 25th of June. In the meantime, we're using the hashtag #XmasinJuly to talk about it, hook up on Twitter and TELL EVERYONE : D 

'Formula' fiction

What does this Magic Mike promotional picture have to do with formula fiction, you ask? Well, it's because there's also a formula at play here. No shirt + abs X 5= me first in line at the movies on Friday. You see? It was necessary. 

And now, a question I received recently from a lovely blog follower (who also just happens to be a great friend of mine!):

Here's a topic I would like to read about on your blog: what is your take on having a "formula" as a writer?

I think Jodi Picoult is a great writer; however, if I read one more of her books I will likely vomit. There is always a controversy (fine), a lawyer, a court case AND a side love story --- ugh!

Emily Giffen ALWAYS sets her books in NYC, at least one character is a lawyer, and another with a fat bank account. I enjoy the story but I can't say I always look forward to the next novel (which comes out soon btw!)

Seeing as you will likely write MORE fabulous books and your blog followers are writers as well, I want some answers!

Good question, P! Hmm. What is my opinion on this? And more importantly, how do I convey it tactfully?

I know! I’ll quote a bunch of other authors discussing the subject!

Author Kelly Armstrong:

“Commercial fiction is often dismissed as formulaic. The authors—writing a book or more a year—are clearly just whipping them off, with no attention to quality. It’s true that there are those in every profession who are simply punching the clock—putting in time until they can retire. That applies to writing as well. Some have hit on the formula that works and they stick to it. They’re making a living and they’re happy. But in my experience, those writers are in the minority. Most of us are constantly stretching. We learn from reading and evaluating other novels. We take courses to improve our weaknesses. We seek out new critique partners and editors to help us grow. We may not aspire to write literary fiction, but we do aspire to write better fiction. We love what we do and hope to retain that passion for as long as possible, which means growing and changing as our careers progress.”

This.

And also a bit of this, from literary agent Sarah LaPolla :

“Big blockbuster novels are like big blockbuster movies - high concept plot, not a whole lot of character development, and maybe some sexy times. It's "entertainment for the masses," but is it bad? Not even a little bit…”

“Creating entertainment for the masses is still an art form, and being able to write commercially is a hard skill to acquire. Not all talented writers are able to hit all the right notes in their market the way a commercial writer can. A few of these Big Novels aren't well-written though. I won't pretend they are.”

A couple of smart ladies, those two. (God, I’m a lazy ass!)

So to answer my friend’s question more directly—no, I wouldn’t use a formula. But I also can’t really frown on someone as successful as Jodi Picoult or Emily Giffen who might. Firstly, because I’ve only read one Jodi Picoult novel and none of Giffen’s to be able to properly judge, and secondly because, hey, people are buying their books in droves so they’re obviously doing something right!

So, fellow authors: what’s your take on formula fiction? 

Query Letter Critique

Original Query Letter

Dear ( Literary Agent)

This is the story of what happens when love comes between friends and friends become enemies in the battle to achieve your dreams….

Roxy Carson is 15, a sprinter and member of a girl gang. She is also hiding a secret – a major crush on gang leader, Charlice’s ex, Leo. Forced to choose between her friends and her dream, Roxy finds herself alone for the first time in her life.

Or is she?

As her relationship with Leo develops into something deeper, Roxy realises that she needs to stand up to Charlice in order to find true happiness. Determined to win Leo’s heart and the race, Roxy resolves to overcome any obstacles Charlice throws at her.

But events take a turn for the worse when Charlice, hell bent on destroying Roxy’s life forever, threatens the lives of the two people Roxy loves most - Leo and her little sister Leila.

Can Roxy find the courage she needs to save them? Or is this one battle she’ll never win?

‘Running Scared’ is a 24,000 YA issues-based thriller with a heavy dose of romance.

I am a Primary School teacher with a passion for writing. I was privileged enough to spend time on a week long course at the city Lit taught by Sophie McKenzie and have attended writing critique groups regularly, ever since – in between popping out two delightful bundles of joy of my own – yes babies not the book! Although both are similar in many, many ways…

I have completed the manuscript and have included the first three chapters as per your submission guidelines.

Thank you in advance for the time taken to consider my work, all comments would be greatly appreciated – the good, the bad and the ugly!

Kind Regards

(Name redacted)

Query Letter After I Got My Grubby Paws On It

Dear ( Literary Agent)

This is the story of what happens when love comes between friends and friends become enemies in the battle to achieve your dreams…. *Warning!* This will be harsh-ish. Delicate flowers need not read on: Among the lines you should never, ever, include in a query letter is ‘this is the story of’. It's way telly, even for a letter in which you're supposed to tell us about your book. Plus this line is vague and doesn't really add anything to the query. If we delete it, do we lose any important piece of information? No? Then it goes!

Roxy Carson is 15, a sprinter and member of a girl gang. <I’ve read this query over a few times and I’m afraid I don’t think it’s clear why the running part is important. You mention it here, then with the ‘win the race’ line later (which I’ve noted is unclear), and of course in the title, but what part does this play in the plot? She is also hiding a secret – a major crush on gang leader, Charlice’s ex<This is good, but who is Charlice? And for the longest time I thought Charlice was the ex of Leo, who is the gang leader, because of the way it this sentence is written. Only cluing in to the fact that Roxy’s in a girl gang led to me to the thought that Leo’s not the leader.  Leo. Forced to choose between her friends and her dream<What’s her dream? Being with Leo? , Roxy finds herself alone for the first time in her life. <You’ve indented (some) of your paragraphs, which isn’t the correct formatting for a query letter. I’m not sure if it’s just an email formatting error, but just in case, paragraphs should be left justified without any tabs, with a single space to indicate a new paragraph.

Or is she?

As her relationship with Leo develops into something deeper, Roxy realises that she needs to stand up to Charlice in order to find true happiness. <What makes her realize this? This again reads as vague. Determined to win Leo’s heart and the race<What race? , Roxy resolves to overcome any obstacles Charlice throws at her. <This is pretty vague as well. What specifically are the obstacles? I’d ditch this whole para, actually, and insert one where Roxy and Leo have their secret, possibly steamy affair, which turns into something deeper. This would be a great segue into the next para, imo, where the stakes are revealed.

But events take a turn for the worse when Charlice, hell bent on destroying Roxy’s life forever, threatens the lives of the two people Roxy loves most - Leo and her little sister Leila. <Good

Can Roxy find the courage she needs to save them? The stakes aren’t clear here. What exactly does she have to do to get out of this dilemma? Or is this one battle she’ll never win?

‘Running Scared’ is a 24,000 <This is a VERY low word count for YA, which is worrisome. I’m afraid that with a word count this low, it wouldn’t matter if the query was 100% perfect, you might still get rejections. You’d have to be at least double 24K to be in a safe range for non-middle-grade YA. Here’s a helpful post from the now defunct but still uber helpful Bookends, LLC blog   On another note, the title should be entirely capitalized YA issues-based thriller with a heavy dose of romance.

I am a Primary School teacher with a passion for writing. I was privileged enough to spend time on a week long course at the city Lit taught by Sophie McKenzie and have attended writing critique groups regularly, ever since – in between popping out two delightful bundles of joy of my own – yes babies not the book! Although both are similar in many, many ways… Kids aren’t a writing credential so they don’t belong on a professional query letter.

I have completed the manuscript and  If you’re querying, it’s a given that the book is completed (Or else it should be!).have included the first three chapters as per your submission guidelines. The full manuscript is available upon request.

Thank you in advance for the time taken to consider my work, all comments would be greatly appreciated – the good, the bad and the ugly! It’s unlikely an agent will comment on your work if they’re rejecting it based on your query, whether you ask them nicely or not. I’d leave this out because it’s a bit amateurish and possibly unprofessional.

Kind Regards <Regards is not capitalized, and there should be a comma after it. I know—nitpicky—but I can’t help myself.

(Name redacted)

I’m sorry, author, if I’ve come across as harsh here, but I’m afraid there is a lot of work to be done on this query. There’s definitely an interesting premise in here, one that I’d love to read about, but I don’t think it’s coming across as well as it could.

You started off the query pretty strong, with the ‘What does Roxy want’ aspect. The ‘What stands in Roxy’s way’ bit became a bit muddled. Charlice, obviously, but why? Because she’s the leader of the gang? Because she still loves her ex? Because she's just crazy and she’ll cut a b*tch? I want to feel the danger element of this forbidden love.

‘What does Roxy have to do to get what she wants’ is unclear as well. What exactly does she have to do to defeat Charlice? What’s will happen to Roxy if she fails?

Again, I’m sorry for the candor, but I think it’s necessary. I love my followers and want all of you to get a bazillion million full requests!

Good luck in your revisions, and thanks so much for sharing your query with me. You guys are brave!

YA/MG Agent Series: Sara Crowe of Harvey Klinger, Inc.

Just when you thought the YA/MG Agent Series was over—BAM! An interview with Sara Crowe, literary agent with Harvey Klinger, Inc.

Squeee!

Sara represents NYT bestselling author Jonathan Maberry and USA Today Bestselling author Jeff Hirsch, as well as Nina LaCour, Michael Northrop, Lisa Schroeder, and Dan Wells, to name a few. Her clients have been nominated for Edgars and the Morris award, and have made it onto the ALA Best Fiction for Young Adults list. All that, and she is consistently ranked among the top 3 best YA agents in Publishers Marketplace. I could say so much more about Sara, but I won’t. Mostly because typing this bio has caused me to reflect morosely on my own list of accomplishments. But I digress!

Thanks so much for agreeing to this interview, Sara! My first question: Is there anything you’re sick of seeing in the slush pile?

This changes all the time.  Last year, I would have said angels-- it was 20 angels a day sometimes. They are still big, but at this moment, I am probably rejecting dystopian YAs the most, as I get so many queries of it, and my list feels full on that front.   But vampires, zombies and angels still make up a huge amount.  And I love zombies, but with the ROT & RUIN series on my list, I am not really in the market for more.

What are the biggest mistakes you see first time authors making?

Querying too soon.  Be ready! Make sure the query makes sense.  Read it to your friends. 

What would be your number one piece of advice for aspiring authors?

Do not give up. You just can't. If your book is amazing, it will find an agent and a publisher. I truly believe this. We all believe this, which is why we stay in this business. I turn down books that will sell-- that do go on to sell, because I have a full list, and I have to be selective and honest about what I can sell.  But a rejection does not mean your book is not saleable. 

But the other side of this is that you need to keep growing as a writer-- keep revising, be open to feedback from editors, agents and other writers when you get it.  I have taken on at least two books that I had previously rejected after authors revised them.

We always hear that an author shouldn’t write to trend (and so please feel free to slap my hand for asking), but can you tell us what you see as being the next Big Thing in YA?

Oh, I am not sure we know where things are headed, which I think keeps things exciting.  I am happy to see contemporary realistic stories going strong.  I'd say at this moment, realistic thrillers and Sci-Fi are the big things.

More and more we hear about brick and mortar bookstores going under, and about the rising popularity of ebooks. Do you think print books will become a thing of the past?

I do think print runs will get smaller, but I think there will still be a place for printed books.

Occasionally we hear about authors who have been widely rejected by agents and/or editors, only to go on to be very successful. Have you ever passed on a book and then come to regret it, or do you remain firm in your original decision?

Oh I think all agents have a big book that got away. But this makes me laugh as I actually get so many angry responses to rejections that say, You will be sorry.  And I do not think I have ever truly been sorry.  Of course, it stings to see a book sell for a huge amount of money that you did not love-- but when it comes down to it, I have to love the work, as I read my client's books over and over again!

I am heartbroken still about books I competed for and lost-- two in particular--because I did love them!! But I still feel like they are mine, too, and get excited when they get great reviews, etc.

What is the best way for authors to contact you?

Email! I read my email queries daily and respond very quickly.  People still mail me queries even though I say everywhere to please not do so.  Those wait all year for summer interns :)

Thanks again, Sara! It’s been an absolute pleasure.

Thank you, Michelle!!

Creating Suspense, and Sol Stein is Still a Genius

Even the most casual follower of my blog will have heard my crazy fangirl ravings at one time or another. I may be a grown adult woman, but when I find a book I love, I can't help forcefully shoving my opinion on others. I'm super mature. 

For me, reading an amazing book is not only hugely enjoyable, but it's also an inspiration to go ahead and (try) to write my own book that will make readers want to order in for dinner and go a day (or two or three) without showering so they can spend more precious minutes inside my world. I’m sure it’s every writer’s aspiration, in some sense. (To enthrall the reader, not to make them smelly).

So, how to do that…

I really didn’t put too much thought into this when writing The Witch Hunter’s Bible, beyond ‘Hey, you know what would be wicked? A knife fight!’ and ‘Dragons are cool. My book’s gonna have a dragon.’

Then I read Stein on Writing by Sol Stein (I know, I’m still on this topic. Bear with me, people). Dude has some great tips on how to achieve suspense. I won’t get into them all because I think that’s probably against some rule, but I’ll throw those of you who don’t have Sol’s book (you silly, silly people, you), this one quick tip:

‘You are not to behave like a compassionate human being. You are not a rescuer. Your job is to avoid rescuing the hero as long as possible.’-Stein on Writing by Sol Stein.

This is so true. Too many times I’ll read a novel and, just when my interest is piqued by say a confrontation with a villain, or a fear becoming a reality, or the emergence of a romantic rival to the main character’s current love interest, or really any life crisis whatsoever, the character quickly and/or easily overcomes the danger (worst of all is when it happens via a deus ex machine device, also known as the sudden and unexpected appearance of a contrived solution to a seemingly insoluble problem). The suspense dies, and I fight the urge to skim the book, or worse, stop reading.

To quote Sol again:

‘The writer’s duty is to set up something that cries for a resolution and then to act irresponsibly, to dance away from the reader’s problem, dealing with other things, prolonging and exacerbating the reader’s desperate need for resolution.’  -Stein on Writing by Sol Stein.

So don’t make it easy on your characters, people! If it sucks in life and you’d hate to have it happen to you, it’s probably great fiction material (Okay, so maybe off the top of my head there are a few things that suck in life that wouldn’t be great ideas for books, mostly involving medical procedures, but you get the idea).

There’s so much to be said on this topic, and really you should just read the book yourself, but I loved that tip. Hope it helps! 

Query Letter Critique

Original Query Letter

Dear Agent:

A series of what appear to be brutal animal attacks have beset the small Oregon town of Silver Falls, and sixteen-year-old resident Toby Hoffman is almost grateful for the carnage. While upset about the loss of life, he views the crisis as an opportunity. If he can save others from future attacks, maybe he can overcome the guilt he's been plagued by ever since failing to save his mother from a deadly car accident.

When he was younger, Toby heard all the scary bedtime stories about the creatures that lived in the neighboring woods of the Umatilla Indian Reservation. These stories were made up to keep the town’s children from wandering where they weren’t wanted, but Toby begins to wonder if there might be more to them after his best friend Nate wakes up covered in blood in the reservation woods – with no recollection of whose blood it is or where it came from.

Aided by Rachel, a Native American girl who's moving off the reservation and into the house next door, Toby uncovers the supernatural causes behind the attacks. While doing so, he also develops feelings for his new neighbor. However, his feelings are quickly put to the test when he and Rachel discover that her uncle is the one who unleashed the cursed, immortal Shaman who's now terrorizing the town.

As more details come to light, Toby is forced to accept the reality that werewolves actually exist and that the town has more than just the Shaman to contend with. Nate has become one of the monsters too. To make matters worse, Nate shows no intentions of giving up his extraordinary new creature capabilities. To save Silver Falls and become the hero he already once failed to be, Toby will have to face off against his best friend.

The first in a planned series, THE ONE YOU FEED is a young adult horror novel of 92,847 words. After reviewing the manuscript for an online critique service, author Stephen Mertz commented, “I believe you have very strong potential here for a saleable YA/Horror novel, but it could appeal equally to an adult (i.e., wider) mass market audience.”

I’m hoping that you might feel the same. The synopsis and full manuscript are available upon request. Thank you so much for your time.

Best,

(Name Redacted)

Query Letter After I Got My Grubby Paws On It

Dear Agent:

A series of what appear to be brutal animal attacks have beset the small Oregon town of Silver Falls, and sixteen-year-old resident Toby Hoffman is almost grateful for the carnage. <Reads as a bit backwards. I’d prefer ‘Sixteen-year-old Toby Hoffman is almost grateful when a series of brutal animal attacks beset the small Oregon Town of Silver Falls.’ Others may disagree!  While upset about the loss of life, he views the crisis as an opportunity. If he can save others from future attacks, maybe he can overcome the guilt he's been plagued by ever since failing to save his mother from a deadly car accident. <Your query is too long (383 words total, so it’s at least 33 words too long by the most generous standards and about 133 by industry norms. For that reason, and because I don’t think it matters how the mom died, I’d consider a more simplistic ‘If he can save others from future attacks, maybe he can overcome the guilt that’s plagued him ever since his mom died.’ In my own very humble opinion, the slight vagueness is a bit more interesting anyway.

When he was younger, Toby’s  heard all the scary bedtime stories about the creatures that lived in the neighboring woods of the Umatilla Indian Reservation. These stories were made up to keep the town’s children from wandering where they weren’t wanted, but Toby begins to wonder if there might be more to them after his best friend Nate wakes up covered in blood in the reservation woods – with no recollection of whose blood it is or where it came from. <I’m afraid this paragraph reads not as a continuation of the first but as an alternate first paragraph. And now I’m not convinced you need both. I like that what Toby wants is clearly laid out in the first para, but waking up in the forest covered in blood is certainly more intriguing than animal attacks, imo, which have been done before. Perhaps a combination of the two paragraphs? Something like ‘Sixteen-year-old Toby Kaufmann has heard all the scary bedtime stories about the creatures that live in the neighboring woods of the Umatilla Indian Reservation. They were made up to keep the town’s children from wandering where they weren’t wanted, but after Toby’s best friend Nate wakes up covered in blood in the reservation woods – with no recollection of whose blood it is or where it came from—he begins to wonder if there’s more to these stories than anyone could have ever imagined. (Insert some better transition) While terrified for his friend, Toby views this crisis an opportunity: if he can help his friend solve this mystery, maybe, just maybe, he can overcome the guilt that’s plagued him ever since his mom died.’   As a bonus, this is 117 words versus 154.

Aided by Rachel, a Native American girl who's moving off the reservation and into the house next door, Toby uncovers the supernatural causes behind the attacks. While doing so, he also develops feelings for his new neighbor. However, his feelings are quickly put to the test when he and Rachel discover that her uncle is the one who unleashed the cursed, immortal Shaman who's <who is (reads smoother, imo) now terrorizing the town. Interesting! 

As more details come to light, Toby is forced to accept the reality that werewolves actually exist and that the town has more than just the Shaman to contend with. Nate has become one of the monsters too.<This paragraph was great up until here. ‘Nate becomes one of the monsters too’ reads as an afterthought, a bit too simplistically worded for something so huge. To make matters worse, Nate shows no intentions of giving up his extraordinary new creature capabilities. To save Silver Falls and become the hero he already once failed to be, Toby will have to face off against his best friend. <I’m not sure the stakes are entirely clear here. We know Toby wants to be the hero, and to do that he needs to save the town from these creatures…but what does Toby have to overcome in order to get what he wants? I don’t think facing off against his best friend is the answer. Is it overcoming this new, overwhelmingly powerful werewolf part of him that perhaps makes him feel strong and invincible for the first time since his mom died? Facing off against the friend is a part of it, I’m sure, but I think there’s something deeper there that would read as more compelling stakes.  

The first in a planned series, THE ONE YOU FEED <Love the title!  is a young adult horror novel of 92,847 <Stating the exact word count like this is a sign of an amateur (Sorry for the bluntness!). I’d round up to 93K and leave it at that. words. After reviewing the manuscript for an online critique service, author Stephen Mertz commented, “I believe you have very strong potential here for a saleable YA/Horror novel, but it could appeal equally to an adult (i.e., wider) mass market audience.” <While I’m thrilled that this author had such a nice, positive thing to say about the book, this did raise a bit of a red flag for me. This sounds like a paid-for critique service (Google has confirmed this to be true). That isn’t bad in and of itself, but I just don’t think it belongs in a query letter. I’m worried that others might not view a critique that was paid for as entirely honest, as the critiquer has something to gain by giving a positive review. It serves the financial interest of the critiquer to say at least some nice things about a manuscript, as an entirely negative review may not be conducive to repeat customers. But please, author, don’t think I’m saying Mr. Mertz wasn’t being truthful—I’m NOT! Just pointing out what might cross an agent’s mind when reading this.

I’m hoping that you might feel the same. The synopsis and full manuscript are available upon request. Thank you so much for your time.

Best,

(Name redacted)

Despite my lengthy critique, there are a lot of great things to work with in this query. It could use some streamlining, as I’ve mentioned, and to be a bit clearer in the stakes department, but overall a pretty great start! And the title—I just love it!  (I know, I know, titles change all the time and you shouldn’t be married a title, etc., etc.,…but it’s GOOD!)

I hope this helps, and good luck, author!