Things That Are Awesome!

 -Fellow author (and friend) Amy Tintera debuted the cover of her YA novel REBOOT over at YA Highway last Friday and it’s all sorts of awesome! If you haven’t already, check it out. Prepare to be awed. 

-A month of paid vacation from work, which conveniently coincides with:

-NaNoWriMo! (Disclaimer: I reserve the right to boot this one over to the Things That Are NOT Awesome list anytime after November 1^st.)  I’ve never done this challenge before. The timing's always been off, but things have turned out just so that I'm able to do it this year, and I’m so excited to finally be able to participate. I’ll be working on the sequel to THE WITCH HUNTER’S BIBLE, which I have a handy dandy outline made up for. I’m MichelleKrys over there (So creative!) if anyone feels like buddying me.

-The TV show Once Upon A Time.  After having finished and LOVED Season 2 of Awkward (it’s sadly done until next summer), I posed the question ‘What TV show should I become obsessed with next’ to my writing buddies. OUAT came up a few times. It did not disappoint. I’m seriously loving this show. So romantic! So fun! So whimsical! So smart! If you aren’t already watching it, you should be.

-My niece’s Halloween costume. Seriously, how wicked is this costume? She looks like the little girl from The Ring. And that movie? Creepy. 

When Nothing is Ever Good Enough

As a fledgling writer, getting an agent was always the One Big Goal. If I could just get an agent, then all of the stress, all of the hair-pulling that goes along with writing a book, would be a thing of the past.  It’d mean I’d made it as an author, and everything else would be smooth sailing from there on out. (Present me laughs at past me).

Then I got an agent, and I was thrilled! And then? And then we went on submission, and along with all the waiting and the rejection letters and worrying I wouldn’t sell and that it’d be so embarrassing after I’d told everyone I knew that I was on submission, so returned the stress and the hair-pulling. So then the One Big Goal, the goal that’d mean I’d made it, after which everything else would be smooth sailing, became getting a book deal.

So then I got an offer from Random House, and I was thrilled! And then? And then came the waiting for my editorial letter, and the arrival of that editorial letter, and outlining book two, and worrying my editor would find my ideas laughable, and worrying about public speaking, and deadlines, and author photos, and acknowledgements and dedications (and that’s saying nothing of finding time to write book two). And I actually said the words to Ruth Lauren Steven (well okay, I typed the words, but you get the point),that I wouldn’t be stressed out anymore once I’d successfully delivered the second book in the contract. So I’d like to share with you Ruth’s sage advice.

…

Well it turns out that I deleted that email, but it was something to the effect of this: Stress will always be a part of the job. Whether it’s getting an agent, getting that book deal, revision letters, marketing, worrying that your book will tank…we’re never going to reach the point where this isn’t stressful or hard. Writing books is hard.  (Except she said it way better and it wasn’t condescending).

And it’s true. If it were meant to be easy, it wouldn’t be so rewarding. And while it’s definitely okay to be stressed out at any stage of the game, whether you’re a fledgling author or a NYT-bestseller, and while it’ so so important to have goals, there’s also something to be said for being happy with where you are. Not necessarily putting a complete stop on all the ‘Well, that’s great, but what next?’ and ‘If I can just do this one thing, then I’ll finally be satisfied’ mentality, but trying your best to take a moment to stop and smell the roses.

Query Letter Critique

Original Query Letter

Dear Agent XXXXXX,

Seventeen-year-old Enne Alfero roams the shadow world of Ombra looking for her lost mother and fleeing from the city’s politicians who want her dead. With Ombra’s gang-infested streets, rusted horse-drawn carriages, and magical people in top hats and petticoats, Enne stands out like a tie-dye t-shirt in a Dickens novel.

Her only ally is Levi Glaisyer, a devilishly good-looking street lord and card dealer at a casino royale. He believes Enne is a deva, therefore able to create vast amounts of magic in her mind. The Phoenix Club, the city’s corrupt political bosses, murdered the deva families seventeen years ago in their rise to power. Skeptical of her so-called magic and Ombran heritage, all Enne wants is to find her mother and make it home alive.  

Levi thinks her safest bet is to assume a new identity in Ombra where the Phoenix Club won’t look for her, so he arranges her a job interview with the casino’s owner. But when the owner tricks Enne into swearing an unbreakable vow as an assassin, Enne becomes a Burlesque acrobat by day and a professional poisoner by night. As her assignments and Levi’s street empire crumble, both must play against the Phoenix Club in a deadly game for their lives.

Spirited Away meets Boardwalk Empire set in a world akin to Victorian London, ACE OF SHADES is Young Adult fantasy steampunk complete at 75,000 words. It is told through the alternating points of view of Enne and Levi.

I am currently an English student at [name redacted]. I have won a few awards, including first place in the 2012 Kay Snow Williamette Writers fiction contest, and I am participating in a two-month editing workshop for ACE OF SHADES with Entangled Publishing managing editor Eden Plantz. 

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

[name redacted]

Query Letter After I Got My Grubby Paws On It

Dear Agent XXXXXX, <Just what kind of agents are you querying? :P

Seventeen-year-old Enne Alfero<Love the name! roams the shadow world of Ombra looking for her lost  mother and fleeing from the city’s politicians who want her dead. With Ombra’s gang-infested streets, rusted horse-drawn carriages, and magical people in top hats and petticoats, Enne stands out like a tie-dye t-shirt in a Dickens novel.<CUTE! This is a nice opener, but I feel like the paragraph construction is a bit off. Right now we have: Enne roams around looking for her mom and fleeing baddies. Enne stands out. They seem like two, unconnected, separate thoughts, though I can infer their connection (I shouldn’t have to, though). Also, your opening line is bit weak, in my opinion. You lead with her roaming around, which isn’t nearly as active, exciting, and engaging as looking for her lost mother while being chased by baddies, which comes later. (I realize I’m being quite picky for an opener I said was nice, but that’s because I see such potential here for this query to be a knockout. So…suggestion: ‘For seventeen-year-old Enne Alfero, finding her mother in the shadow world of Ombra, while avoiding the politicians who want her dead is proving to be much harder (and more dangerous) than she thought. Because in Ombra’s gang-infested streets, where rusted horse-drawn carriages carry magical people in top hats and petticoats, Enne stands out like a tie-dye t-shirt in a Dickens novel.’ Feel free to hate it :D

Her only ally is Levi Glaisyer, a devilishly good-looking street lord and card dealer at a casino royale. He believes Enne is a deva<Why does he think that? This comes a bit out of left field since we haven’t heard anything about any magical abilities she might possess so far. Also, deva sounds/looks quite similar to diva, which is sort of comical sounding. Are deva’s a thing? If you made it up, I might consider renaming it (sorry!)  therefore able to create vast amounts of magic in her mind. The Phoenix Club, the city’s corrupt political bosses, murdered the deva families seventeen years ago in their rise to power. Skeptical of her so-called magic and Ombran heritage<And here I thought she was from Ombra!, all Enne wants is to find her mother and make it home alive. <This last sentence doesn’t add much to the query. We already know she’s looking for her mom, and since she ends up going with Levi’s plan anyway, I question whether you need this sentence at all. You can eliminate it easily by fixing the one before it to read something like ‘But Enne is skeptical. The Pheonix Club…..’

Levi thinks her safest bet is to assume a new identity in Ombra where the Phoenix Club won’t look for her, <Why won’t they look for her in the city? Haven’t they been looking for her in the city all this time? I’m confused. so he arranges her a job interview with the casino’s owner. But when the owner tricks Enne into swearing an unbreakable vow as an assassin, Enne becomes a Burlesque acrobat by day and a professional poisoner by night. WHAT?! I’m confused. She goes for an interview at a casino, then accidentally signs up to be an assassin. Ok, so where does the Burlesque acrobat part come in? I googled casino royale in case I was missing something but all I came up with was that James Bond movie, which I haven’t seen (and presumably all agents haven’t seen). Am I missing something? As her assignments and Levi’s street empire crumble, both must play against the Phoenix Club in a deadly game for their lives. <You have a lot going on here, and I think you’ve started to lose the focus of the query. We have WHAT DOES ENNE WANT? (to find her mom), and we have WHAT STANDS IN ENNE’S WAY TO GETTING IT (The Phoenix Club, and potential death), but we’re missing the middle part: WHAT DOES SHE HAVE TO DO TO GET WHAT SHE WANTS? Using a fake identity and working as a secret assassin doesn’t tell us how she plans to save her mom.

Spirited Away meets Boardwalk Empire set in a world akin to Victorian London,  (just say steampunk) ACE OF SHADES is Young Adult fantasy steampunk complete at 75,000 words. It is told through the alternating points of view of Enne and Levi. <I’m not a fan of the introductory phrase style opener here, but that could just be me. I prefer a cleaner setup. Up to you, though!

I am currently an English student at [name redacted]. I have won a few awards, including first place in the 2012 Kay Snow Williamette Writers fiction contest, and I am participating in a two-month editing workshop for ACE OF SHADES with Entangled Publishing managing editor Eden Plantz. <All good here!

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

[name redacted]

This is close! (Seriously, I know I painted blue all over the query but I do think it sounds fascinating and right up my alley, not to mention the writing is very well done. BONUS!). I think the problem here is that, while trying hard to get all the fun steampunk, fantasy elements of the book into the query, the actual core of the story was lost. I would suggest scaling it down to the basics and making sure you have all those important questions answered first, and then add the spice and flavor in.

Thanks so much for sharing this with me, author. And good luck in your querying endeavors!

Things That Are Awesome

-Everything that comes out of my son’s mouth. This toddler seriously cracks me up, when he isn’t making my heart all melty. This week there were these gems:

         -In line at the grocery store: ‘Hey everybody, I keep tooting!”

         -At the drive-thru ATM at the bank: ‘We’re at the big piggy bank!’

         -At bedtime: ‘Momma, you’re all I need’.

         -After I give him the fifth kiss at bedtime: ‘Okay, that’s enough kisses now.’

-My friend Shannon Mancuso, who also happens to be a talented photographer. I realize Shannon is not a ‘thing’, but she gets on this list for putting up with my MAJOR pickiness during our two author photo shoots (my hair looked stupid the first time :D ).

-The book Sloppy Firsts by Megan McCafferty. I realize this book came out in 2001 so I’m way behind on the times by saying this, but it is seriously, seriously AWESOME! When I was halfway through the book I ordered the other 4 books in the series online. I’m so depressed they’re not available at my local Chapters and that shipping is about 2 weeks. It’s cruel and unfair.

-The TV show Awkward. When I finished Sloppy Seconds, blog-follower Rachel recommended that if I liked that book, I should watch Awkward. I just started watching it last night and am almost finished the entire first season. It. Is. Awesome. So freaking funny and witty and engaging. Love it! (Rachel—the dead Stacey episode? GAH! SO FUNNY!)

-Fall season (or shall I say Pumpkin Spice Latte season). Everything about it.

-Thanksgiving dinners not cooked by me (because I have to go to work for night shift--the only good thing about working night shift on Thanksgiving, actually). 

-Lots more things

Query Letter Critique

Original Query Letter

Dear (Agent):

As heir to the Shadow Realms, sixteen-year-old Bramlyn Shadowborne should excel at lies and have a talent for evil; but with the simple Gift of Healing, Bram is forced to concede her throne to her twin who wields far darker powers and is more than willing to use them. Bram flees to the only place that will give her sanctuary, the most powerful out of the nine Kingdoms of Light. The King grants her clemency on three conditions. Bram must hone her Gift for his use, renounce all ties to her people, and sit on his Council as adviser on the Shadow Realms. Seeing as how death is her only other option, Bram agrees.

Bram is just settling into life in a foreign court when urgent messages from home arrive. Her people beg her to overthrow her twin who has gone mad with power and launched a bloody massacre against his people. Bram refuses, fearing for her life in the Kingdom of Light. When her people start a rebellion in her name, she must choose between aiding the rebels or protecting the kingdom that gave her sanctuary. Bram is torn. If she chooses to help her country, the Kingdoms of Light will declare war. If she chooses to remain in the Kingdom of Light, it means her twin’s plan for domination will succeed.

BLOOD AND HONOR is a young adult fantasy novel complete at 90,000 words. It is a standalone story with potential for a sequel. I look forward to hearing back from you.

Thank you for your time,

(Name and contact info redacted)

Query Letter After I Got My Grubby Paws On It

Dear (Agent):

As heir to the Shadow Realms <Shadow and Bone alert! In case you’re not familiar, Shadow and Bone is a recent NYT bestseller by author Leigh Bardugo. There’s a Shadow Fold in the book. Without reading your book, it strikes me as samey. Actually, now that I’ve read the query something else seems a bit familiar about it as well. It’s a bit like Graceling by Kristin Cashore, what with the realms of the Kingdom and special powers and trying to save the Kingdom from an evil family member. I love both of those books though! , sixteen-year-old Bramlyn Shadowborne should excel at lies and have a talent for evil; <Technically you aren’t supposed to use a conjunction and semicolon together. The point of the semicolon here would be to join two sentences where the conjunction has been left out. Would this type of error get you rejected? No, probably not. Still… but with the simple Gift of Healing, Bram is forced to concede her throne to her twin (comma) who wields far darker powers and is more than willing to use them.  This sounds fantastic! I like the premise, I love the twin aspect (twin power!), and I love the name Bram. Bram flees <I’m curious, why does Bram have to flee? The way I read it, she gave up the throne to her twin. I didn’t see a danger to Bram that would cause her to have to run away, just that she wasn’t in the throne anymore. I’d make that more clear. to the only place that will give her sanctuary, the most powerful out of the nine Kingdoms of Light. The King grants her clemency on three conditions. <This would be a great place to use a colon. Bram must hone her Gift for his use, renounce all ties to her people, and sit on his Council as adviser on the Shadow Realms. Seeing as how death is her only other option, Bram agrees. <This is all really good. So far, besides a few punctuation things, the only issue is making the danger aspect more prominent sooner.

Bram is just settling into life in a foreign court when urgent messages from home arrive. Fun! Her people beg her to overthrow her twin Feels like a comma is needed here. who has gone mad with power and launched a bloody massacre against his people. Bram refuses, fearing for her life in the Kingdom of Light <This is a bit confusing. It sounds as though her life is in danger because of a threat inside the Kingdom of Light. Is that what you mean?  When her people start a rebellion in her name<Again, a bit confusing (unless I’m slow, which is also possible). Is it her people back home, or her new people in the KOL that start a rebellion? , she must choose between aiding the rebels or protecting the kingdom that gave her sanctuary. Bram is torn. Implied. If she chooses to helps her country, the Kingdoms of Light will declare war. If she chooses to remains in the Kingdom of Light, it means her twin’s plan for domination will succeed. <To be honest, the stakes come off a bit weak here. Which is too bad, since the rest of the query is so strong. But I don’t think much is needed to bring this to another level. Maybe expand on the war description—‘If she helps her country, she both betrays the people that gave her sanctuary and causes them to declare a war that will put even more lives in danger. If she remains in the Kingdom of Light, her twin’s plan for domination will succeed, and (whatever consequences of that).’ Probably you can even do a line here about what kind of life her people would live under his iron rule. Basically, show us just how bad both options are. Don’t make us guess and surmise. This is your big opportunity to WOW an agent.

BLOOD AND HONOR is a young adult fantasy novel complete at 90,000 words. It is a standalone story with potential for a sequel. I look forward to hearing back from you. <All good here! The title is a bit bland, no offence, but that could be just me.

Thank you for your time,

(Name and contact info redacted)

You’re very close already, author. This sounds really great. You know what also might be nice? (and this is totally not required, but it might make this query come alive a bit more). If you made mention on her feelings towards her twin. How does she feel having inherited the lesser powers than her twin? Having been ousted from her country? When her twin launches this bloody massacre? When she has to go up against him? It could even be something as simple as ‘To save her nation, Bram has to kill her own brother. Which is easier said that done’ (‘Cept not dumb like that :D ). Just an idea! But like I said, you’re close already. Good luck!