Thursday, January 24, 2013

A Near Perfect Query Letter

Dear Agent,

Surviving on her own comes naturally to sixteen-year-old Evangeline comma whether it’s squatting in vacant apartments, crashing on Charlie’s couch, or sleeping in a nearby tree. It has to be. If she’s not careful comma Evy will end up back in foster care—or worse, the nearest padded cell. The voices she hears aren’t just in her head. This. Is. Awesome.

After the murder of her only friend<I’d say that is was Charlie. I’d missed that it was him who’d died on my first pass. Also, add a comma. Evy is kidnapped, and taken to a covert research facility where an unbelievable truth is revealed: she is a product of genetic engineering, a secret soldier designed to combat an endangered human race with superhuman abilities known as the Gifted. Once worshipped as gods, then hunted as witches, the Gifted have assimilated into society by keeping their existence hidden…until now. This is so good. Seriously.

Chace, Subject Number Seven and fellow telepath, oversees Evy’s training as she reluctantly learns the skills necessary to defend humanity. Despite her developing feelings for Chace, Evy struggles with the suspicion that he is responsible for the death of her friend. The other children of her experimental trial are far less charming comma and the more she learns about the Chimera Corporation and the scientist who created her, the more she questions their motives and her real purpose in this conflict. Like, like. Building the conflict. All good here.

While investigating Charlie's murder Evy must separate fact from fiction, friend from foe, and decide where she stands before war breaks out. <This falls a bit flat for me. What exactly does she have to do, and what does she risk if she fails? 

THE THIRTEENTH SUBJECT is a YA science fiction complete at 81,000 words. It is the first book in a proposed trilogy, THE CHIMERA CORP CHRONICLES. <I would mention that it stands alone so as not to frighten poor agents. I am a pre-med student by day and an avid writer at night. This is my first novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration. 


(Name redacted)

You will get full requests from this. It’s awesome. That is all. 


  1. This is so awesome! I'd most definitely read this. It sounds like an amazing book. And I agree with Michelle: based on this query letter, this will get a ton of full requests.

  2. Just for the record: Michelle's opinion is a gem. As a current YA-hater (still), I would read this book.