The C Word (not that, you bunch of pervs! I'm talking about CRITICISM)

No one likes to hear their baby’s ugly. Yet, as a writer, it’s pretty much a guarantee you’ll hear some variation of that sentiment at least seventeen times a day (there’s me quoting science again). Hopefully, if you have supportive critique partners, like I do, they’ll at least soften the blow by telling you how unique your baby is and how much like a BABY it appears. Still, you will definitely hear your work isn’t quite what you thought it was and that it needs improvement.

So how do I deal with this?

For a change, I have more than ‘I don’t know, what do you expect, some sort of advice or something?’ to contribute. 

It starts off with the icky recounting of my first ever writerly criticism. After spending 3 months toiling over my first novel, obsessing over every word, lurking on a writing website and wondering if I should post my work, not posting it because I was too nervous people would hate it, rewriting every single word until I was SURE no one would have a single negative thing to say, I finally posted the first chapter for review. And then I sat back and waited for all the praise to roll in.

That didn’t happen.

My very first critiquer said something very similar to this: ‘No one cares if the sun is shining or if the raindrops fall like dewy tears. Weather is not a hook. It’s boring. Never write about weather in the first paragraph.’  (Just to clarify here, I DID shamefully write about weather in the first paragraph, but none of those examples actually appeared in my writing).

I cried. I cried the whole day. Then I fought against the intense urge to call this guy an asshole, among other nasty things. And then I realized he was right, dammit. Weather is boring! Who likes to read about weather in the first para of a book? So perhaps the guy didn’t have to be so rude about it, but in the end I did receive some real, honest feedback that improved my work. So I thanked the guy sincerely and went to work fixing up my chapter.

Then I wrote another book and got an agent.

What we can all learn from this story in ten simple points:

1.That guy was mean and made me cry. Wahhhhhh!!!!!
2.  Voodoo dolls are handy in cases such as this.
3. When someone has something negative to say, especially if they’re being a crusty old fart about it, it’s easy to become defensive, or worse, lash back at the offending party. When these urges strike, it’s a good idea to take some time to cool off and think before responding. This is key not saying things you will later come to regret, embarrassing yourself, and appearing ungrateful.
4. Sometimes people have had a bad day and it bleeds out into other parts of their life. They don’t mean it.
5.  Find the positive in the negative. You might have to really dig around to find it, but it’s usually in there somewhere. It’s an opportunity for improvement disguised as an insult!
6. No matter how harsh a criticism may appear, someone took the time to read your work and comment on it, and that at least deserves a thank you. BE THE BIGGER PERSON!
7. Hey, sometimes people are just mean. *shrug*
8. Keep writing. Don’t let someone’s criticism of your work turn you away from doing what you love. Look what happened to me—I went on to write another book and land an agent (Have I mentioned recently that I have an agent? I do.)
9. Remember what it’s like when someone is harsh to you, and don’t do it to others. There’s a nice way to say anything. In fact, I think the term is The Shit Sandwich (see diagram above). It's when a criticism is sandwiched by compliments. For example. “My, what an original idea for a book! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a book about time traveling squirrels before. You might an edge on the market there. But, one small question: does the squirrel need to speak German? Perhaps a reader would relate more to the squirrel if they could understand him? Anyway, like I said, very unique idea! What an imagination you have.” (note: I never said it was a GOOD idea, so I didn’t lie. Also, I wasn’t mean. Also, maybe time-traveling squirrels ARE the next big thing.).
10.  I only had 9 points. So yeah…