Query Letter Critique

It's that time, y'all! 

Original Query Letter

Dear Agent:

Young witch Gemma Morrin's life takes a dangerous twist when a member of her ancestral coven asks her to hide a powerful grimoire. The book holds secrets of the past, present, and future with the unique ability to alter any moment in time.

With such power come dark forces willing to kill for it. 

Desperate to keep the book out of the clutches of the sinister wizard Cathaoir, Gemma must use her rare talent to alter perceptions to erase his memory of the powerful tome. Except – she can’t figure out how to get close enough to cast the spell without getting herself killed…



Between hiding the supernatural world from the mortal boy she's fallen for, dealing with her sister's tendency to create disaster whenever she waves a wand, and now being thrust into Cathaoir's terrifying orbit, sixteen year old Gemma is questioning whether a magical life is worth the sacrifice.



THE GRIMOIRE is an 86,000 word young adult fantasy. As I am an epidemiologist, the majority of my experience is with medical publishing. However, I have also e-published two romances, A DANGEROUS DREAM and NEVER TRUST A MATCHMAKING WITCH, which both received numerous 5 star reviews, including Reviewer Top Pick Awards from Night Owl Romance.

The opening ten pages of THE GRIMOIRE follow. Thank you for your time in considering my work.



Sincerely,

(Name redacted)

Query Letter After I Got My Grubby Paws On It

Dear Agent:

Young witch Gemma Morrin's life takes a dangerous twist when a member of her ancestral coven asks her to hide a powerful grimoire. Great opening line! The book holds secrets of the past, present, and future with the unique ability to alter any moment in time.

With such power come dark forces willing to kill for it. 

Desperate to keep the book out of the clutches of the sinister wizard Cathaoir, Gemma must use her rare talent to alter perceptions to erase his memory of the powerful tome. Except – she can’t figure out how to get close enough to cast the spell without getting herself killed…

So far so good. It’s obvious that you’re a talented writer, and the story is compelling. Actually, it reminds me of my own book! (Not the compelling part, though I like to think it’s that too, but the witches, evil sorcerers, witch-hunting bible that must be kept safe from said evil sorcerers part).

Between hiding the supernatural world from the mortal boy she's fallen for, dealing with her sister's tendency to create disaster whenever she waves a wand, and now being thrust into Cathaoir's terrifying orbit, sixteen year old Gemma is questioning whether a magical life is worth the sacrifice.

This paragraph, while well-written, doesn’t add much to the query letter, I’m afraid. While it’s interesting to learn of her love interest and her quirky sister, what I want to read about here are the exciting stakes. What does Gemma have to do, and what do she ultimately risk if she fails? Clearly lay that all out here.

THE GRIMOIRE is an 86,000 word young adult fantasy. As I am an epidemiologist, the majority of my experience is with medical publishing. However, I have also e-published two romances, A DANGEROUS DREAM and NEVER TRUST A MATCHMAKING WITCH, which both received numerous 5 star reviews, including Reviewer Top Pick Awards from Night Owl Romance. <The way this is worded sounds like you’re listing self-published novels. Upon further investigation, I discovered both books were published with e-book publishers. Is an agent likely to do this kind of investigation when in doubt, or will they just assume the books are self-published? I’m thinking the latter. For those considering putting self-published novels as credits on their query letter, I quote agent Adriann Ranta: “Being self-published doesn’t win kudos from most agents or editors as it doesn’t really mean anything. It doesn’t necessarily mean anyone else judged your writing worthy enough to disseminate (unless you have 10,000+ sales), but it might mean that your last project was so roundly rejected that you decided to publish yourself. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule: you’re a self-help guru that sells your own books at your conferences, you already have a gigantic platform and network of resources so a traditional publisher wouldn’t help much, etc. But if you just self-published an old novel you struck out on and sold 300 copies, don’t mention it in your query letter.” Oh, Adriann. You so smart. (But PLEASE, lovely followers, don’t take this as me saying self-publishing is less worthy somehow than traditional publishing, because I’m SO not.)

The opening ten pages of THE GRIMOIRE follow. Thank you for your time in considering my work.



Sincerely,

(Name redacted)

Well, author, you’ve left me with very little to say here (aside from that GIGANTIC blue paragraph!). This query letter is pretty fantastic. It’s my guess that you’ll do well with this. Happy querying! 


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